Love

Every year more and more money is spent on Valentine’s Day to say “I love you” to the ones we love, but in spite of our efforts we are still seeing a lot of divorces and dysfunction in families (maybe even more than the year before). This has led many to question love.

Jesus says “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you”. Is love possible in this world? Love seems like it brings more bad than good. The ones you love bring so much hurt to you. They sin against you. They lash out. The betray you. They show favoritism and leave you out. A loving relationship will be good for a while and then Kaboom, it explodes in hurt and disappointment. Doesn’t it?

Love seems so complicated too. There are so many misunderstandings that happen in relationships. There are so many unpleasant expectations, hidden and not so hidden. People are so messed up! Is love even possible? Why do we keep failing in our relationships in our families, friends, and church? Why is it so hard?

The short answer is because we are all unlovable. We are not easy to love. We make things difficult for others to love us. We are sinners. We are inherently selfish. We judge others and hurt people’s feelings. We expect things our way. We worry and snap at our loved ones. We have bad morning breath and get grumpy when we run out of nachos. Everyone of us are seriously unlovable.

Is love possible then? Well, no. Not if love depends on the nature of the one you are trying to love. Love is not possible if it depends on whether or not that person will always be good to you. It is not possible if it depends on whether that person will fail you. It is not possible if it depends on whether that person will ever act ugly toward you. You will never be a good lover of people if you are waiting on others to get their act right.

Jesus taught something revolutionary. For Jesus: love depends on the nature of the lover not on the beloved. The reason we haven’t been getting love right is because we had it backwards. The quiche, “True love comes from within,” is so cheesy, but true. Love does not come when we expect others to be lovable, because they won’t be. It comes when we decide that our nature will be love. It comes when we cultivate hearts that will love no matter what. Even though our loved ones will fail us, love will not.

We hear all kinds of lies about love. “Love is a feeling” is a big one. No it’s not. Feelings come and go but love stays. The butterflies that happen in romance have to do with attraction, not with love. Attraction is a God given thing, but it’s not love. Love is something from the heart not the gut. Love is a forever commitment for the betterment of the other person, not a “here and then gone” feeling.

Another lies is that love depends on whether a person is lovable. There is nothing revolutionary about loving those that are lovable or attractive to us or loving those that love you. Remember what Jesus said, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that.” (Matt. 6:32-33) We are to love the unlovable not just the easy to love. Jesus lived among the unlovable remember. We will only be given credit for true love if we are able to love those who do not treat us with love. Jesus even says to love enemies.
Love depends on the nature of the lover not of the beloved.

The basis for all of this is God’s love for us. We are unlovable but God loves us anyway. “While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” God loves because he is love not because we are anything worth loving. Let us love because we are love not because we expect anything out of anyone.

This Valentine’s Day strive to love your loved ones because you are love and because God loved you (and still does).